If you are thinking this sounds like yourself, then we might have other components in common: perfectly attractive, fun, kind, smart, and capable of good conversation. How can it be that we do not even have a date? If we do, it is probably with that just okay-looking guy we met the other night, who was fine to talk to, but doesn't quite get your juices flowing.
Do your friends tell you that "you have plenty of time"? Where exactly do they get this idea? Yes, I am aware that women have babies up to forty and older. The problem there is I won't be able to enjoy my Fifties Freedom unless I can find a babysitter. Hmm - maybe my girl friend Betty wouldn't mind watching my kid while she has her grandson this weekend?
Speaking of grandchildren - I am an only child. Oh, how badly mom wants to be a grandma. I fear she will not get to experience such joy.
Jennifer Aniston's character, Rachel, on an episode of "Friends" said it at her 30th birthday party: I want to date for a year before I get engaged. I want to be engaged for a year before I get married. Then I want to be married for a year before I get pregnant...as though she read my mind.
That kills three years alone. A full-term pregnancy adds a fourth year onto the plan. So, if I meet Mr. Right tomorrow, I'm in the ball park of thirty-seven to thirty-eight before I can even give birth to my first child. That's not bad, right? Oh except for one thing - highly unlikely to meet Mr. Right tomorrow.
This year will probably fly by like the last few have - and upon turning thirty-four, maybe I at least won't be entirely dateless. Even then, fertility is dropping like crazy and the chances of a natural, healthy pregnancy with no complications or medical issues, is going down the tubes! The other suggestion we often hear about is to use the miraculous help from science - and have triplets? No, thanks. It is especially amusing when people suggest we don't "need a man" as long as science is around. What if we are told that we are going to have four babies! Who in the world could do that alone? I want to say, get with reality, people - but bless the hearts of our friends who just try to find words of comfort.
I am employed by a surgery unit. I see women my age (or even younger) coming in to get hysterectomies. Need I explain how that makes me feel?
But now I want to discuss what has to come before even thinking of children - love. I work with middle-aged nurses who are constantly boasting about their sons and daughter's beautiful weddings. Sadly, it makes me want to drop what I'm doing and go hide somewhere to cry. If someone shows off their engagement ring and glows with excitement, I want to bawl like a baby. Someone loved her enough to get down on one knee and propose. They are probably best friends, soulmates. These are times when I feel like a rude being - it's hard for me to be happy for them. The reason is because I am so far from being able to picture myself in their position - I am always on the outside instead of the inside. I am glowing if I even get a second date, let alone a ring; and that sounds so...so pathetic.
It has been one bad circumstance or failed relationship after another - men that want commitment, just with me, or men that don't want commitment at all. One man was just utterly lonely after his divorce, so he thought that he loved me two weeks into dating. Once, I met a good-looking, nice guy on a dating site - only to luckily find out he was an ex-convict before getting to the date part. Online dating seems to work wonders for many people - but after ten years of attempting this, I'm finally realizing it's not for me. I could go into several, detailed reasons why it has not worked, but that is a whole other article.
I will also bet that many of you like me, have a plentiful social life. Always diving into and making it a point to do anything different and exciting, in order to put yourself in a non-routine situation, the kind of situation when you are unexpectedly supposed to find love falling into your lap. At most, you just end up having a really good time - without any phone numbers by the time you get home. At most, you may have gotten hit on by a sleaze ball married guy, or that extremely unattractive soul who clearly wants to pounce on any woman who says as much as "hello" to him.
If you are a friend of someone like me, I have bad news for you. The phrase "don't worry, it will happen. There is someone out there for everyone" - is not much comfort. It is simply an optimistic statement. In reality, there are people who truly never find their soulmate - and truly grow old alone. This is, of course, aside from those who choose this life. An elder once told me, "I remember my best friend being worried in her thirties, and now she's in her sixties. She never did find the one". It broke my heart to hear this - but the truth is, it does happen. May God help us, that it does not happen to me, or to you. But have you ever wondered about this possibility? How do you cope? After all, wouldn't it be unhealthy to go through life waiting for a dream that never comes true? Isn't it healthier to be prepared for the worst? Or, should we take our friends' words of consolation and keep our patience for time?
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