As a way to reach closure about my voluntary pregnancy termination, it was suggested to me to write my lost child a letter. At first, the notion seemed quite strange and I wasn't sure where to go with this information in my head. As I thought about it though, I began to see the exercise as a way to bring my child into my world in a whole new way. Up till now the child I chose to abort was just some sort of "floating thing" out there in the universe. Personalizing my loss by writing to my baby really helped me bring forth some of the grief and loss I was feeling.
If you are seeking help after your abortion, I would suggest that this is something you can think about as a way to connect in a whole new way with what your heart feels. Again, this might sound like a strange concept, so give yourself some time to "chew on it" before delving in.
It is helpful when you attempt an exercise like writing to the baby you lost via a choice decision, that you do so when you are feeling very safe. You need a safe atmosphere where you can be reflective and without interuptions. You might light a candle or play soft music. Either of these things will help you feel safe while you access the painful feelings of loss.
When writing, you should also try to picture writing to someone you know. For instance, if you were writing a real note to a friend or loved one, you subconsciously picture that person in your mind. So, you might picture a little baby in your mind and then start talking to that baby or child just like you would if they were really sitting there in the room with you.
Some intense emotions might start welling up inside you while you write. This is actually good! Don't try to stop the sadness or overwhelming sense of loss. This purpose of this writing exercise is to help you process some of the grief you are feeling. Give yourself permission to feel sad. Going through the pain of this is what you need to reach closure about your decision.
Below I am sharing with you the letter I wrote to my child lost to a voluntary pregnancy termination. Perhaps, this will give you some idea of things you should express in your journey to closure.
Again, writing a letter to your "lost love" can seem strange, but once you push through the fear you will be glad you went through the pain of the exercise. Avoiding the pain only prolongs it. Have courage. You can "do this!"
Dear Sandra rachels,
This letter is to let you know how much I love you. Though I never met you, I know I love you. I am feeling so many feelings about your loss. I was so young and scared and I didn't think the "time was right" for you. I was at a place in my life where I thought no one cared. I took what I thought would be the best path for everyone involved. Just know that you are missed; there will always be a hole in my heart for you. Your life was a pebble that dropped in the water. The ripples go forth and rock my heart with sadness. Each wave passes through and I know you were an important person in our family and you will always be missed.
I think of what your life could have been and I am so sad. I see you as an energetic toddler with curly blonde hair. I see you going to school that first day. I see you playing soccer, having fun with friends, going on that first date, the prom, and even as a young adult finishing college. You wear your bride's dress elegantly.
I am writing this letter to acknowledge you and then to tell you good-bye. I realize I needed to tell you hello first though. Just know that I am finally letting myself cry. It is so hard to go to this deep place of pain in my heart, but I know going through the pain is what I need to do.
For now, I say "hello" to you. And after I cry, I will once again say "good-bye." I hope you know I loved you and that you were missed.
Love from your Mom,
If you are seeking help after your abortion, I would suggest that this is something you can think about as a way to connect in a whole new way with what your heart feels. Again, this might sound like a strange concept, so give yourself some time to "chew on it" before delving in.
It is helpful when you attempt an exercise like writing to the baby you lost via a choice decision, that you do so when you are feeling very safe. You need a safe atmosphere where you can be reflective and without interuptions. You might light a candle or play soft music. Either of these things will help you feel safe while you access the painful feelings of loss.
When writing, you should also try to picture writing to someone you know. For instance, if you were writing a real note to a friend or loved one, you subconsciously picture that person in your mind. So, you might picture a little baby in your mind and then start talking to that baby or child just like you would if they were really sitting there in the room with you.
Some intense emotions might start welling up inside you while you write. This is actually good! Don't try to stop the sadness or overwhelming sense of loss. This purpose of this writing exercise is to help you process some of the grief you are feeling. Give yourself permission to feel sad. Going through the pain of this is what you need to reach closure about your decision.
Below I am sharing with you the letter I wrote to my child lost to a voluntary pregnancy termination. Perhaps, this will give you some idea of things you should express in your journey to closure.
Again, writing a letter to your "lost love" can seem strange, but once you push through the fear you will be glad you went through the pain of the exercise. Avoiding the pain only prolongs it. Have courage. You can "do this!"
Dear Sandra rachels,
This letter is to let you know how much I love you. Though I never met you, I know I love you. I am feeling so many feelings about your loss. I was so young and scared and I didn't think the "time was right" for you. I was at a place in my life where I thought no one cared. I took what I thought would be the best path for everyone involved. Just know that you are missed; there will always be a hole in my heart for you. Your life was a pebble that dropped in the water. The ripples go forth and rock my heart with sadness. Each wave passes through and I know you were an important person in our family and you will always be missed.
I think of what your life could have been and I am so sad. I see you as an energetic toddler with curly blonde hair. I see you going to school that first day. I see you playing soccer, having fun with friends, going on that first date, the prom, and even as a young adult finishing college. You wear your bride's dress elegantly.
I am writing this letter to acknowledge you and then to tell you good-bye. I realize I needed to tell you hello first though. Just know that I am finally letting myself cry. It is so hard to go to this deep place of pain in my heart, but I know going through the pain is what I need to do.
For now, I say "hello" to you. And after I cry, I will once again say "good-bye." I hope you know I loved you and that you were missed.
Michell jerkins
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